Moving On
by Linalee Marie
Summary: "He's gone Bebe…just like that…he's gone forever…I never told him I was sorry…I never told him how much I loved him on Christmas." How to deal with the loss of a loved one and how to move on, one step at a time. Stan/Bebe, K2, Candy


For My Grandfather, who supported me through everything life had to throw. I'm sorry I wasn't around as often but know that I do love you.

The phone dropped from his hand onto the floor of his single room in the college dormitory. The sharp sound of plastic to tile made his roommate turn from the book in his hand and stare. Eyes of blue were wide and mouth was open in shock. While the expression was one of pure horror and pain, a darkness came forth from his eyes. It seemed to quell his sudden urge to scream out and revert back to his childhood days where a temper tantrum seemed appropriate. The boy across the room, noticed a sudden change in his friend's behavior and stood up to grab the phone that he so carelessly dropped.

"Stan? Stan are you still there?" Sharon Marsh could be heard even before the phone reached the ear. Dark green gazed at the boy across the room, whose black hair hung low to cover his face. Confused and a little scared, he turned his attention back to the woman on the phone.

"Mrs. Marsh?"

"Oh Kyle! Sweetie, is Stan alright?" Another glance from the Jew and Kyle had his answer.

"What happened?" While she seemed a little upset, there was a calmness in her voice that was enabling her to speak.

"Well Kyle, Stan's Grandpa died today and it seems both my boys aren't taking it so well." The shock of the news was enough to make Kyle almost lose his own grip over the device. Instantly tears swelled in his orbs and Kyle cleared his throat. While they weren't family, he regarded the old man as his own grandfather, so he understood exactly what Stan was going through.

"I see….so…what exactly happened to him?"

" The man was one hundred and thirteen years old, I guess time finally caught up with him and took him while he was sleeping this afternoon. Listen, Kyle I know Stan is going to be very upset by this, hell I know you will be too but please try and keep an eye on my baby for me okay? The funeral is going to be on Wednesday, I'll see you boys then. Tell Stan I love him."

"I will." Kyle choked out before hanging up the phone. Blue and Green connected deeply as the two boys stared intensely. All the memories seemed to flood their mind with images of the happier times with the old man before this phone call took away an important part of their lives. Grabbing his phone, Kyle flipped it open and sent a mass text to Wendy, Kenny, Cartman, and a few others. Within seconds it was buzzing and he got a phone call from Kenny.

"Are you guys okay?" he asked over the phone, a sense of urgency detected in his tone.

"We're fine Kenny, well as fine as we should be." Without even seeing, he knew the blonde was nodding in agreement on the other side.

"I just woke Karen up after the text, she's getting dressed and soon we'll be on our way up to see you guys."

"Kenny you don't have to-"

"Like hell I don't! Don't sit there and try to put on your brave face for me babe! I'm not letting you sit by yourself tonight! Grandpa Marsh was an important man to both of you! I will NOT let you mourn alone!"

Tears slid down his cheeks as Kyle bit his lip to fight back a painful sob. Kenny always knew what to do, even when he didn't.

"Don't worry hun, the Calvary is on its way! See you in thirty minutes!"

"Okay…" he turned to hang up the phone when Kenny's voice broke through once more.

"Oh and Kyle!"

"Yes?" there was a small pause on the other line.

"I love you." And he hung up before even letting Kyle respond. A few more tears slid down and he gently clutched the phone to his chest before looking up to Stan.

"Kenny and Karen are on their way." The nod showed Kyle that Stan was listening and therefore gave him the go-ahead to sit down next to him. Sliding the phone over to the boy, he felt several vibrations come from it before looking up at him. "Might want to get that dude, could be fatass." Instead they found several text messages back from other friends.

_I'll be there soon sweetheart, please don't cry yet! I'm almost there!-Bebe_

_Eric and I are on our way Stan! He woke me up after getting Kyle's text and told me we had to go. We'll be there soon! –Wendy_

_Yeah well Wendy dragged me away from the tv and said we had to come for 'support' n shit. You two assholes better be grateful!- Mr. Awesome (Cartman)_

_Take care of yourselves Stan! Mom won't let me come up, sorry!- Ike_

_I'll just see you fuckers at the funeral….sorry.-Craig_

_Oh Jesus Stan! I'm so sorry! Gah! I'll be at the funeral with Craig so see you then!-Tweek_

_Hey Bro, sorry to hear about him. Would love to come visit but you need your close friends and family first. We'll talk at the funeral- Clyde_

At least six more messages came from friends about not being able to make it but they would attend the funeral and see them then. While the messages were of little relief to him, Stan still felt like someone sucker punched him in the stomach. Kyle started trying to talk to him, just endless noise to try and keep his focus elsewhere and though he appreciated it, the truth was, Stan was so angry at himself. For the past few years, he had been so caught up with the drama in school and finishing his senior year before moving on to College that he had hardly spent any time with his grandfather at all. He couldn't even remember the last time he had said 'I love you' to the old man. An intense self-loathing filled his chest and Stan clutched at the covers of his bed desperately. The pain was so profound that he thought he might die from the heartbreak.

"Stan?" He hardly noticed Kyle had stopped talking a while back and couldn't even find the nerve to look his best friend in the face. A soft touch hit his back and started making circular motions for calming him down and Stan was never more thankful that Kyle was there with him. "I'm so sorry dude…" it was all the Jew could say to him or at least that's what he thought. "I'm gunna miss him too." It was then; he noticed the tears falling down the sides of the ginger's cheeks. Kyle was just as upset as he was, while they might not have been related, Kyle still grew up with his grandpa just like he did.

Silence engulfed the pair comfortingly as Stan thought back to the past year of his grandfather's life. He would never admit it but this was something he had wanted to happen sooner rather than later. During the past year, his family could no longer take care of him because of the lack of training so they were forced to the difficult decision to transfer him from the senior living to a nursing home. It was so hard on him because of the changes of the transfer. Going from being able to eat and walk about whenever to having schedules for practically everything really dealt a low blow to the guy. Within three months he had lost fifty pounds, reducing him to nothing but a skeleton of himself. As the body goes, so does the mind and that was the next and perhaps the hardest moment on Stan and Kyle when they came down to visit for thanksgiving weekend and he could hardly remember their names anymore.

What was so painful was he didn't even recognize his own family's faces. He would get updates from his mom and dad during school on how he was doing and occasionally from his sister as well. Over Christmas, he and Kyle picked up part time jobs to pay off some loans for school so he ended up having to work on Christmas Eve and even Christmas day. Luckily he got to spend a few hours on Christmas day with the old man, but it was so hard to even look at him. Each day was a battle as at least three nurses, whom were kind enough, helped him in and out of his wheelchair and bed. Stan could still see the pain on his face at how much it hurt to even move anymore. Both his family and Kyle knew it wasn't too much longer…they were right.

Christmas Day was the last time Stan ever saw his grandfather. Three days later, he finally passed away peacefully in his sleep; the same day Stan received the phone call. A small memory seemed to make a prominent presence in his mind as he recalled a few hours when he was napping alone in his room. Around two in the afternoon, he had felt like someone was ruffling his hair and woke to that feeling. However, passing it off as the wind or the air conditioner, he just went back to sleep. His arms grabbed the pillow and held it tightly as he fought the urge to cry. Rationality wanted him to see it as nothing but a movement of his own hair or possibly with the help of air. His heart however, told him otherwise.

"Stan? What is it?" He shook his head, deciding not to tell anyone what he had experienced that afternoon. Most would mistake it as grief, others as emotional trauma; he didn't need that right now.

"It's nothing." He finally spoke. Kyle appeared suspicious but decided to let it go thankfully, he didn't know if he could say the same thing again.

"I'm pretty sure it's 102 Kenny."

"I guess, but it just seemed a bit farther than last time."

A pair of voices came from beyond the door and into the hallway followed by a small knock.

"Stan? You in there hun? I have Kenny and Karen with me too." Bebe's soft voice broke through the fog that infiltrated Stan's mind and he looked up towards the door with such innocent and broken eyes. Once again, blue met green but a lighter shade this time and softer as his girlfriend of two years entered the room. "Oh sweetie…" That was all she had to say before Stan let his emotions consume him, unable to hide anything from the girl before him.

"He's gone Bebe…just like that…he's gone forever…" She walked over to him and Kyle gently slid off the bed to give her the space she needed. Both nodded to each other and a slight smile was traded before she took his place beside Stan, taking him into her arms and letting him cry. "I never told him I was sorry…I never told him how much I loved him on Christmas." Kyle grit his teeth to keep from crying out loud with his friend and adverted his gaze before a small hand slipped into his. Turning, he saw Karen staring at him with such sad hazel eyes and Kyle instantly pulled her into a tight hug and hid his tears.

"Alright Kar, I'll take it from here." A soft tenor voice came from behind her and Kyle felt his head shoot up instinctively and looked into the light blue eyes of Kenny. A soft smile was on his face as he tilted his head to the side and opened up his arms. "Come on." Karen backed off and allowed the couple to embrace tightly and Kyle cried openly alongside Stan. "It's okay Ky, I'm here." He whispered softly while running his hair through the curls of red.

The boys hugged their significant others and cried for quite some time, while Karen waited down in the lobby for the others. Thirty minutes passed before Kyle finally calmed down and they sat on the chairs, resting his head on Kenny's shoulder. A small vibration alerted the blonde as he flipped opened his phone and saw Karen sent him a text.

_Wendy and Cartman are here, should we come up or do you need more time?_

Signaling the go ahead, it wasn't must longer when voices came from the hallway.

"I'm just sayin! If you had hit that stoplight and turned right we would have been here ten minutes ago!"

"Now Damnit Ho! Don't you start criticizing my fuckin driving! I knew where to go and we got here!"

"Yeah, ten minutes late."

"Wendeh! You shut your bitch mouth or I'll kick you in the nuts!"

"Oh Eric, shut up."

The door opened to reveal an angry Eric and coy Wendy who turned to see Kyle and Stan along with Kenny and Bebe. Instantly their tempers reduced to smoldering and a sad smile came his way from Wendy.

"Hey Ken…" she whispered softly before wrapping her arms around the two boys. Kyle slowly looked up to see the kind smile of Wendy and before she knew it, he threw his own arms around her and held her tightly burying his face in her chest.

"AYE! THOES ARE MINE JEW!" came the irritated voice of Cartman before he turned to Kenny. "Control your bitch Kenneh!" a small shrug came from his body before a smirk replaced his somber expression.

"I have nothing to worry about fatass, besides, they're best friends. I'm okay with them hugging." A small chuckle came from Bebe and Wendy before they went back to focusing on the boys before them. Kenny's attention however drifted from Kyle to a sudden smell that wafted through the air. It smelled of meats, cheese, bread, and grease all rolled into one and he looked at Wendy curiously. "What's that smell?"

Her eyes lit up and she looked over at Eric, who seemed to be holding something behind his back. Which could be anything given his body mass.

"Eric decided you guys might be hungry so-"

"So Wendeh! FORCED me to spend my hard earned money on some fuckin pizza and breadsticks for you assholes." He plopped down five large pizzas and two boxes of breadsticks with at least four two-liters of soda. To Kenny and Karen it was like Christmas all over again, up until Cartman started claiming his shares. In the end, the fatass had two large pizzas, two sodas and one box of breadsticks to his self while everyone else divided up what was left. Though Stan and Kyle didn't feel like eating much, with help of Bebe and Kenny, they munched and snacked a little to tide them over.

"So the funeral is on Wednesday right?" a nod came from the group before Wendy continued. "Why don't we all head back to South Park tonight? We can get some rest and meet up with the rest of the gang then. This way Kyle and Stan won't have to drive alone. "After a bit of consideration, the two decided to agree with the idea as being with their friends and family would be more preferable than being alone. Picking up the garbage, the group proceeded to help clean up and back for the two as they then made the trek back to South Park.

The next two days passed by quickly as many friends came to visit and offer condolences. Often days of old would be brought up so Stan hardly had to think about the upcoming funeral but it was still in the back of his mind. Waking up in Bebe's apartment, being unable to stay at his own house, Stan began to get ready for the service. His parents had decided that with how old the man was, many of his friends were already deceased as well so a visitation wouldn't be necessary. Suit and tie on, Stan turned to see Bebe all dressed up in black and ready to go as well. The pair reached the funeral home in silence and it was there that he gazed upon his grandpa for the last time.

He looked peaceful, almost happy and it was the first time Stan had seen that look in over a year. Though he should have been happy, Stan was hurting from the inside out. Up until now, it had all seemed to unreal, the phone call, the obituary, hell even the article done in the South Park Newspaper seemed fake. A part of Stan held on to that false hope, until now. Seeing the old man, lying in the casket, it really brought Stan back to earth and to the harsh reality that his grandpa was truly gone.

Looking away, he saw photos, many in black and white, lined up on cardboards all through the home. All telling the story of a man's life and how well he lived it, there were even a few with Stan in them as well. A light smile crossed his face as he saw the photo of his Grandpa telling the story of the war reenactment, Stan was in the background with the flag waving while Kyle and Kenny were banging on the drums and playing the flute. Next was when Stan gave his grandfather a photo of Patches back to him, when his memory began to fail. Dozens of others lined each other, some of when Stan was just a baby and the old man was holding him, before the wheelchair.

"Stan?" a voice broke his thoughts and he turned to see his sister Shelly. Long gone was the headgear she used to wear and in its place was beautiful white teeth. Her hair was no longer unkempt and uncared for but instead straight and glossy turning into a golden brown. She had grown up quite well but still refused to wear any heavy makeup; instead only natural tones covered her face but didn't decrease from her attractiveness. Wearing a black dress, she stared at her brother with sorrow and pain and the two embraced tightly.

"Shell, did you find him?" Sharon's voice popped up and the pair turned to see their parents. Randy and Sharon made their way over to the kids and gave brief hugs. "How you doing Stan?" she asked gently. Stan merely shrugged and didn't reply, unsure if he could even find his voice. "I know it's hard, but he's in a better place now." That was all his mother could say before a few more stragglers entered the funeral home, dragging her away for greetings.

Stan's eyes turned up to the man he had worshiped for many years, Randy Marsh. His dad seemed to be having trouble looking at him however and he instead, put his hand inside a pocket of his jacket. Pulling out a trinket, he handed it over to Stanley gently.

"You remember this Stanley? He bought it for you when you were in third grade." Stan's eyes connected with the small item and he gingerly took it in his hands.

"The gay-ass bolo tie…" his voice cracked slightly and he clutched it to his chest.

"He loved you Son. He thought about you all the time, I…I just wanted you to know that." Tears began to fall down his face once more as he looked up at his Dad and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you." They separated and Stan sat down next to Bebe, holding the trinket as if it would fall apart any second.

He had to admit, there was a lot of people here for his grandpa and family today. Staring at the crowd, it easily filled up the funeral home, some even having to stand in the back. His old classmates all showed up, everyone from Jimmy to Red came to wish him well and Stan was never more grateful in his life for having such amazing friends. With Bebe by his side, Stan managed to get through the Funeral fine and the procession to the cemetery began soon after. Once again, another silent car ride, He and Bebe met up with Kyle, Kenny, Karen, Wendy, and Cartman at the grave site. Everyone held hands together as they said the final prayer and began to lower the casket into the ground. Stan wanted nothing more than to cry, scream, beg that they bring him back up. It was a joke, he wasn't dead, it was a lie! But he knew he was wrong.

While the rest had already left to go back to the hall for conversation and coffee, Stan stared at the dark hole in the ground, unable to move. A small hand slipped into his and he turned to see Bebe staring at him sadly. She held a red rose, odd for the time of year it was. It was then; he noticed all his classmates held a rose of the same beautiful color. One by one they dropped it into the darkness below before walking back to their former position, each friend offering a hug or pat on the shoulder to Stan. The hole filled with fifteen roses, one for each child from his class. Token, Jimmy, Timmy, Wendy, Cartman, Butters, Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Red, Kenny, Kyle, and even Ike and Karen had two as well. Finally, Kyle handed on to Stan, tears on his face but smiling. Taking the flower in his hands, Stan turned to Bebe and found the courage to smile. One rose in one hand and Bebe's hand in the other, the pair threw the last two roses into the ground.

Bebe then proceeded to let go of his hand and bring hers together for a silent prayer.

"I'll take care of him. I promise." She said softly before turning to Stan and holding out her arms. "Come on Stan, let's go home." The boy however shook his head and turned back to the grave.

"Give me a sec, I need to say goodbye." She nodded and moved back a little to give him space and Stan then inhaled and looked at the stone before him. "It's just me. I don't know if you can hear me from wherever you are but I need you to know….to know how sorry I am. I'm sorry I wasn't around as often as I should have been. I've been a lousy grandson and you deserved better than that. I should have stuck around on Christmas Day and I should have said I love you before I went to work, but I didn't…and now…now I don't get to say it ever again to you. I just wanted you to know that I DO love you grandpa, I really do and I'm sorry….i'm so very…very sorry.." tears fell and frosted over his face from the icy chill of winter.

He stood up slowly and took off his puffball hat that he was so often known for. Pausing, he then placed it on the stone and walked back to everyone who waited. Bebe stared at him gently and he took her hand before nodding.

"Let's go." While the rest of the group departed, none of them, not even Bebe seemed to notice a sudden warm wind that appeared to surround Stan in the form of a hug. The weight of his thoughts and regrets seemed to fade from his mind and for the first time in three days, he genuinely smiled.


End file.
